Why 'Sleeping Fox'?

When my daughter was young, she bonded with a bunny comforter. She couldn’t go anywhere without that soft toy with its floppy ears.

When we fell pregnant again, one of the first things we did was choose a comforter from the same brand to be his companion. It felt like a natural acknowledgement of his existence, and of the future life we were already imagining together.

We chose a fox.

It was cute and colourful. We had Tommy’s name embroidered on it, so it could be identified in the chaos of daycare.

Little did we know that this fox would come to be with him in such a different way.

When Tommy died, we ordered a second, identical fox. One for him to keep, and one for me to cuddle.

Suddenly, the animal we had chosen for no particular reason became deeply symbolic. The fox became a symbol for Tommy.

Symbols can be powerful ways of nurturing our ongoing bond. They can represent our babies, their memory and their legacy. While they may soften the harsh sting of loss, they do not take away the reality of it. Instead, symbols honour our grief by offering it a dedicated space to call home.

By his second birthday, we had finally finished creating a special place for Tommy in our garden. We wanted to give him something for his birthday, so we bought a decoration to adorn his garden.

It was a sleeping baby fox statue.

The sleeping fox sits in the shade of his tree, watching over the special place we hold for Tommy in our family.

My children pat the little statue with warmth, gently caring for his memory and their connection to their brother. I nurture his tree, watching the seasons encourage it to rest, bloom and grow.

It is one of the ways we hold Tommy gently in our hearts.

For us, Tommy was not born sleeping.

He died.

And yet, the sleeping fox came to represent his innocence and peace. It became a powerful representation of him being at rest, at home with us.

A gentle metaphor for the love that transcends life and death.

It does not dismiss the cruel reality of his death, the harshness of our loss, or the depth of my grief.

The softness and the harshness can both be true.

They co-exist within me.

We all find our own ways of holding our babies. Perhaps it is a particular place, a song, an animal, a symbol or a scent. We may connect with one symbol or many. These may grow and change, or remain exactly as they are.

Either way, they can offer a softer landing for our profound grief.

They give us somewhere to place our love when our babies are no longer physically here to receive it.

A way to remember.

A way to love.

A way to keep our babies woven into the fabric of our families.

For me, that is what Sleeping Fox means.

It is Tommy.

And it is one of the ways I will hold him, always.

Tommy's Mum x